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Hail the Coiff​ü​hrer

from Songs​-​of​-​the​-​Week by Ira Marlowe

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lyrics

It rhymes with chump
It rhymes with county dump
And each word he speaks, leaks
From a sump pump

A bloviating mogul throwing xenophobic hate
Onto the plate of people hungry for somebody they can blame
PT Barnum would be proud about
The one-a-minute crowd and how
He works ‘em to a lather with inflammatory blather

And then there’s the ‘do, the trademark ‘do
Combover king (Combover king)
But there’s the thing (here’s the thing)
That’s a misnomer! It’s not a combover!

It’s a mad creation, a mad creation
A Dada MOMA installation
A magic puffy forelock
With a crack team working ‘round the clock
And it’s teased, and it’s sprayed, and it’s moussed, and it’s blown
And it’s blown and blown and blown and blown and blown
and blown and blown and blown and blown
and blown and blown and blown and blown
Until it takes on a life of its own

BULLHORN:
Attention! All citizens are ordered to remain indoors
until law enforcement can contain the large hirsuite life-form
now approaching Des Moines.

Iowa is gone, as the thing slithers on
Next comes New Hampshire, you can be damn sure
It swallows Carolina and always leaves behind a trail
Of steaming gel and mousse

BULLHORN:
The election is coming and the thing’s still loose!

And the crowd gets louder as victory seems surer
And the crowd shouts out, “Hail the Coiffürher!
Hail the Coiffürher! Hail the Coiffürher! Hail the Coiffürher!”

It rhymes with lump
It rhymes with Forrest Gump
But even if you’re simple, you should recognize a pimple
And America’s rump
A self-made man, a self-made man
Who once was a lad, a struggling lad
A struggling lad, who had it so bad
Starting out with nothing but the forty mil from dad

A political phenomenon, not at all uncommon
In the Thirties when in German and Italy they rose
Modern day Caligulas stoking the amygdalas
Of all the angry masses from the shrinking middle classes

How far can people stick their heads up their asses
Heads up there asses, heads up there asses?

Hail the Coiffürher! Hail the Coiffürher! Hail the Coiffürher!
Hail the Coiffürher! Hail the Coiffürher! Hail the Coiffürher!

credits

from Songs​-​of​-​the​-​Week, released February 19, 2016

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Ira Marlowe Berkeley, California

Ira Marlowe's songs have appeared in indy films, been featured on NPR and Dr. Demento, and received a Parent's Choice Award. He's taught songwriting at UC Berkeley and penned the tunes for four shows by a Tony-winning theatre troupe.

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